he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
