So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize