I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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