I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
