mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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