new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
