Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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