OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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