remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
