he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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