So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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