Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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