i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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