I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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