see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
