fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
