Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
