you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My pussy is not your playground.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
