Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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