I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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