He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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