i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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