She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it's like heaven, but drunker
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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