Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
