they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
