i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The adults are the big ones right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
