she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
