Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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