and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
