You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
