Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
