It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
whose parrot is this?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
