Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize