This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
