if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
