just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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