Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
