is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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