Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
