Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
