Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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