i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Terrible idea I love it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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