i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
