I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
