I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
