1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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