Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
