so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
