Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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