i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
