so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
