Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
