I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
