He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
even my farts smell like vagina
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
