You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
