then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
