Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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