I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
