he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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