But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
