I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
