I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Damn victory sex feels great
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
