it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My cat gives me a boner
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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