Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
