Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
