You work out of a Hotel?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
even my farts smell like vagina
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
