I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So much Jack, so little girl.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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