I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
