There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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