You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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