Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
