doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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