there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
