Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
only you would photoshop your dick
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
