If that was your dad, he is hot
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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