I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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