weddingsv make me drug and hornr
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
