i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I AM VODKA MAN
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
