she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize