a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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